Saturday, July 25, 2009
Have you ever had a feeling that you just want to go out and pick a fight with a random person... wishing that someone gives you sufficient cause to beat the crap out of him...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Query solved...
You know how they announce the train arrivals at stations - "x train ki platform no. 2 par 2 baj kar 40 minute par aane ki sambhavna hai...". The other day i was to catch howrah ahmedabad train which was to come at platform no. 1 at 1:40 in the night. And they started announcing "something something jaane wali howrah ahmedabad ki platform number ek par aane ki sambhavna hai" and i started wondering why do they say sambhavna hai? Its like it may or may not come, we are not sure but there is a distinct possibility that your train might come on the mentioned platform, but if i were you i wouldnt bet my life savings (come to think of it... i dont have any life savings worth speaking of so it wont matter if i did put it on some train arriving on the correct platform or the time... hmm... i think betting should be legalised.)
And then the heartless lady who keeps doing the announcements with no respect for the feelings or sentiments of the commuters said,"something something jaane wali howrah ahmedabad ki platform number do par aane ki sambhavna hai",15 minutes before the train was due to arrive. Did i mention the train was one and a half hour late? Cue me running with a couple of heavy bags along the stairs to platform 2. And i had an idea where the AC bogies would come so i'm standing there but nooooo a coolie comes and says that the AC bogies would come in the entirely opposite direction and who am i to argue with a coolie so i went in that direction (i know you know whats gonna happen but bear with me) and then i see the train coming... on platform no. 3!!! (and yea it turned out i was right and i had to run all the way to my coach in the opposite direction again.)
And whoever who says that howrah express is a superfast should be made to travel in it... end to end... in AC two tier (which has to be the most boring)... in a corner seat... with the only charging point in the entire coach(so ppl continually come and bug you)... with a frosted window... twice a week... till he repents...
And then the heartless lady who keeps doing the announcements with no respect for the feelings or sentiments of the commuters said,"something something jaane wali howrah ahmedabad ki platform number do par aane ki sambhavna hai",15 minutes before the train was due to arrive. Did i mention the train was one and a half hour late? Cue me running with a couple of heavy bags along the stairs to platform 2. And i had an idea where the AC bogies would come so i'm standing there but nooooo a coolie comes and says that the AC bogies would come in the entirely opposite direction and who am i to argue with a coolie so i went in that direction (i know you know whats gonna happen but bear with me) and then i see the train coming... on platform no. 3!!! (and yea it turned out i was right and i had to run all the way to my coach in the opposite direction again.)
And whoever who says that howrah express is a superfast should be made to travel in it... end to end... in AC two tier (which has to be the most boring)... in a corner seat... with the only charging point in the entire coach(so ppl continually come and bug you)... with a frosted window... twice a week... till he repents...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Flawed process?
We should be allowed to vote twice... once for the local leaders then another vote for whom we want as the prime minister. What if i want a person of one party in state and a person of another party as the prime minister? What is good for the state and for the nation may be entirely different. We need more power...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Is this a question?
Is this a question?
(a) naaah... nope... not really... ahun... dont think so... nada...
(b) yep... seems like it... certainly has the makings of a good, decent, respectable question which the society would be proud of...
(c) the answer is the question itself
(d) the question is the answer itself
(e) this is a questionable answer if that is an answerable question
(a) naaah... nope... not really... ahun... dont think so... nada...
(b) yep... seems like it... certainly has the makings of a good, decent, respectable question which the society would be proud of...
(c) the answer is the question itself
(d) the question is the answer itself
(e) this is a questionable answer if that is an answerable question
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
random stuff...
A statement i read in nick miller's article - "... as they say a buttefly flapping its wings in tokyo will make cristiano ronaldo fall over in manchester." Hilarious... Made me actually laugh... even though i'm a red devils fan...
The obvious laws of the really obvious
Some of the laws composed in this Prep Leave:
abhi's law of the really obvious - " The rate of studying is directly proportional to the quality of the zerox."
And...
"A survey of one during PL showed that the mind is at its creative best when a book of haykin is put before it."
urvashi's correction : "The mind is at its creative best when any damn engineering book is put before it."
rucha's law of the really really obvious - " The speed of studying is inversely proportional to the creative imagination of one's mind."
rucha's law of the insanely obvious that your mind boggles at its obviousness and even the statement "This statement is not funny you know... not even a teensy weensy bit humorous though it could bring a smile at your face... thinking about the pathetic attempt to be amusing... the pressure gets to you you know." cries before it and wishes that it was this obvious - "The speed and quality of studying is directly proportional to the number of exams left."
And to all my fans in the star system of Betelguese - "Hi there!!"
abhi's law of the really obvious - " The rate of studying is directly proportional to the quality of the zerox."
And...
"A survey of one during PL showed that the mind is at its creative best when a book of haykin is put before it."
urvashi's correction : "The mind is at its creative best when any damn engineering book is put before it."
rucha's law of the really really obvious - " The speed of studying is inversely proportional to the creative imagination of one's mind."
rucha's law of the insanely obvious that your mind boggles at its obviousness and even the statement "This statement is not funny you know... not even a teensy weensy bit humorous though it could bring a smile at your face... thinking about the pathetic attempt to be amusing... the pressure gets to you you know." cries before it and wishes that it was this obvious - "The speed and quality of studying is directly proportional to the number of exams left."
And to all my fans in the star system of Betelguese - "Hi there!!"
Monday, April 27, 2009
Interesting probability problem
Everyone says 'jaago' and vote do... but if i don't know who is the right candidate... or is there a right candidate even?? So what will be BETTER? if i DO vote randomly i could vote for the right person if there is a right person or i could vote for a wrong person unknowingly and the right person could be affected... or i DON'T vote so if there is a right candidate he wont get a vote... and if there are no right candidates it wont make a difference either way...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Finally...
Finally... as my angel would say... :)
Here is a movie review... well not a review in conventional sense... i wrote when i was under a deadline to write an article for the souvenir of our college fest- Paramarsh (too many memories... will come to it some time)
AAP KA SUROOR - rewritten.. my style...
Summoned with the task of writing a review for the movie aap ka suroor.. i made the necessary culinary arrangements.. namely packets of chips, cola... and a bottle of aspirin...
The film begins with a song... which was a runaway hit... with the masses that is.. but it had mercifully good background images...
By the very first song i had found out... after unsuccessfully trying it out with a pillow.. but after about 2kgs of cotton wool in each ear... himesh aint that bad a singer.... Really... The music is quite good you find... Also the passion with which he sings.. and the attitude that he flaunts is quite entertaining... I think this method should be propagated.. for all himesss haters... his songs are quite entertaining and make for nice VIEWING... just make it karaoke...
But i digress... Though for some reason.. the chief of police in all major cities of europe and the states.. where coincidentally indian movies are shot... are indians... This is a hallmark of the progress made by indians... Since they are so adept at keeping the law and order in our country they are the most sought after outside it seems...
Oh wait.. the movie.. himesh redeems himself somewhat by making a joke on himself...
And the oil industry must've made a fortune on the movie... looking at the copious amounts by which himesh plasters down his mane...
Its been 20 minutes since the movie started.. and it seems the movies message is... look at me.. i m the himesh reshammiya.. coolly known as HR... i m having multimillion rupee contracts... still the money hasnt gone to my head... i can very easily take the gun out of an armed german police official to save a (insert age make comment abt vast age difference)girl.. who promptly falls in love with him(bells start ringing and Gayatri mantra starts at this point.. with a very emotional HR)... and Mallika Sherawat doing what she does best... namely "You can call me at any time of the day... OR NIGHT" All the time his sidekick Shravan trying to make jokes...
God!!! yet another song now... lagi lagi... right.. be back after a trip to bathroom... mallika doing her bit for the cosmetics industries... looking at the amount she has put up... and her hair reminding me of Monica of Friends fame... when they went for a holiday in bahamas...
And i get to know that himesh is just 28 yrs old!!!(insert your own joke abt time travel and eternal youth here)
have to resist my laughter everytime they address him as HR...
We are treated to a rendering of himesh songs everytime he gets to meet hansika..
Dont get me wrong... Himesh.. sorry HR is a brilliant actor... What talent... With EVERY dialogue he gets emotional... Misty eyes.. and doing the "swallowing that lump in your throat" act at the rate of 5 per minute.. It takes talent to do that.. And lot of water i guess...
Oh.. and we have German ladies interrupting his date.. for his photo... What fame this man has...
Great yet another song... Its getting funny now... Himesh's misty eyes and hansika's giggling... we are being shown such clips for the umpteenth time now...
And... the same old story... indecent proposals... butterflies in stomach before saying i love you.. and heroines dad not agreeing to the match...
story in flashback btw
Yet another song... Someone actually singing from his throat.. my hopes are up... but no.. wait.. himesh makes a dramatic entry in the song... to India where her dad had taken her for a cousins wedding..
Cut to the scene for confrontation with her dad... he asking him "In aankhon mein riya ke siva kuch dikhayi deta hai kya?"... No himesh... we cant see anything coz your eyes are eternally hidden either by your cap or those tears which are always on tenterhooks... perplexed by the famous Shakespearean.. "To fall or not to fall, that is the question"...
Hurrah... Himesh's tears and cliched dialogue delivery save the day... and Dad agrees..
We are reminded for the twentytwo thousand, three hundred and thirty seventh time that himesh doesnt drink...and he goes on a binge!!! and he does an imitation of Mithun!!!
But wait.. only an hour and 15 minutes have passed.. so the movie cant end can it? So who would have ever guessed that himesh will get involved in a controversy and and Dad plans to marry the heroine off to her "inspite of knowing everything is ready to marry her" childhood friend.. What brilliant original story line..
And.... yet another song... damn the bottles finished... will go get another... the chemist having a field day today...
The film is littered with examples of himesh's nobility,acts of kindness....sniff.. someone hand me my hanky...
Very conveniently excop feroz (raj babbar) comes to vent his pentup rage on HR.. and very conveniently the gun drops down... and surprise of surprises... HR snatches it up... and walks calmly out of the jail holding raj as hostage... And from this we can judge that german snipers arent of good quality... perhaps one of the reasons why they lost the second world war... A history lesson learnt here...
And we get lessons in politeness and courtesy by Mr. Raj Babbar here... Himesh fiddling in the glove compartment and busy in unfolding the map.. so obviously he cant control the gun... But our gentleman Mr. Raj Babbar has the good conduct to continue driving the get away car... And he is an ex cop.. Supposedly...
But its not a fair world... His good behaviour goes unnoticed and is killed by a hired sniper... leaving our beloved HR in more of a mess... but before dying he gives an important piece of information.. that the murder weapon which is a gun is still not found.. and wonder of wonders.. i was the under the impression that the murdered girl was violated and strangled... wonder why the marks on the neck were shown so vividly again and again...
But yes... the hired sniper has the courtesy to keep identifying documents, cards and cell phone with him..
Oh wait.. did i forget to mention... he got no tails on him... just because he is a high profile singer of international fame.. who breaks out of jail with a hostage who is an excop by the way why would the normally efficient german police put a tail on him? No way.. We can handle international scandals easily...
So he uses the cellphone.. calls his best buddy and they all have a joyous reunion... but no... his lady love is being betrothed to someone else(see above).. so what does our hero do...? He brings back his lady love to her dad... who is adamant about not allowing her daughter to marry a murderer.. But hurrah for cliched dialoguesa and the misty eyes... Daddy melts but says 'samaj ke liye mein apna faisla badal nahi sakta.. duniya kya kahegi etc..'
So our hero out to prove his innocence...
And we find out that the gun is in Khurana's safe... Why bother disposing off the murder weapon with your fingerprints on it when you can safely store it for someone else to find out in your safe? Sensible guy..
So they have the keys of the safe.. but not the combination now... But wait... Himeshs keen sense of music saves them now.. In the beginning of the movie Khurana is seen to open his safe in presence of Himesh.. and by the tone of the keys he is able to guess the combination!!! This guy should be in RAW...
They get the gun now... but wait... the bad guy has the heroine now... A meeting is set up for the exchange... The baddie Khurana asking for the gun which our hero Himesh promptly throws into the river... Who would ever imagine the gun that he threw could be a fake one.. not our baddie certainly... The girl goes free...
Happy reunion now... m waiting for a song now... where is it... oh.. here it comes...
no wait... The German police aint so inefficient after all... Breaking up the embracing couple.. himess is sent back in a police car... Its getting exciting now... From out of the blue three autorickshaws appear!!! In Germany!!! One does a 'veeli' and lands on the police car... and how does the police respond?? Yep you guessed i... By haggling with the rickshawallahs.. Himesh looking with his misty eyes all the time... Finally sense dawns and he escapes using a police car... exciting chase sequence... his car doesnt have a single scratch inspite of bumping so many times.. and yes... what a scene... his car is doing backflips now.. one... two.. three... four... gosh.. this car should be entered in Beijing olympics... will get a gold after all these years for sure... Ah.. finally it stops... But where is our hero...? Oh there he is... crawling out from under the car.. which is in quite good condition still.. Any broken arms or legs..? No.. a scratch under the eye is the most he escapes with... The sequence is interspersed with clippings of his gal getting ready for the marriage...
But under the influence of a gun to his face.. the baddie reveals all thinking no one will hear him.. But our enterprising hero HR has recorded the entire thing... He apparently knew that he'd be confronting the baddie and had been carrying a recorder with him all the time..
And by a miracle... probably some German secret technology... the confession is shown on a screen behind them... And hear hear for Daddy greatest... who at the time of doing 'feres' announces "Yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti.. Riya kisi aur ki amaanat hai"...
A rare scene of himesh without his cap.. at the murderered girls tomb...
And for the fitting finale.. how else... with a himesss song...!! Help...
P.S.
For those who didnt get the story from above (about 99.985% of you)
CAST
Famous singer(hero), Evil businessman, Seducing lawyer, Cute event manager(heroine), A wisecracking sidekick, Heroine ke daddy dearest, Murdered victim, Murdered victims dad...
THE STORY...
Girl dies, father cries, hero in jail,flashback,hero singer, in Germany for a promotional tour, sidekick jokes, Meets business man and his lawyer, sidekick jokes, lawyer's unsuccessful attempts at seduction, sidekick jokes, Hero saves girl, sidekick jokes, fall in love, sidekick jokes, dad disagrees,dad agrees, drinking binge,sidekick jokes, murder, hero in jail, dead girls father... is taken hostage by hero, both escape, father dies, reunion, sidekick doesnt joke, dad disagrees, dad agrees but someone called 'samaj' comes in between, marriage continues with "bachpan ka dost", hero arrested, taken in car, antics by superrickshawmen, antics by hero's car, confrontation,german technology, villain confesses,dad agrees,END
All correspondence to be addressed to
The Himesh Reshammiya Institute for Rehabilation of People Mentally Harassed by Certain Music Directors Who Have Somehow Gotten an Idea That They Look Good Romancing Someone Half Their Age and Being Called as HR is cool...
C/o
Association of People Afflicted by Recurring Nightmares of A Guy in a Cap Singing With Nasal Overtures in a Closed Lift
Here is a movie review... well not a review in conventional sense... i wrote when i was under a deadline to write an article for the souvenir of our college fest- Paramarsh (too many memories... will come to it some time)
AAP KA SUROOR - rewritten.. my style...
Summoned with the task of writing a review for the movie aap ka suroor.. i made the necessary culinary arrangements.. namely packets of chips, cola... and a bottle of aspirin...
The film begins with a song... which was a runaway hit... with the masses that is.. but it had mercifully good background images...
By the very first song i had found out... after unsuccessfully trying it out with a pillow.. but after about 2kgs of cotton wool in each ear... himesh aint that bad a singer.... Really... The music is quite good you find... Also the passion with which he sings.. and the attitude that he flaunts is quite entertaining... I think this method should be propagated.. for all himesss haters... his songs are quite entertaining and make for nice VIEWING... just make it karaoke...
But i digress... Though for some reason.. the chief of police in all major cities of europe and the states.. where coincidentally indian movies are shot... are indians... This is a hallmark of the progress made by indians... Since they are so adept at keeping the law and order in our country they are the most sought after outside it seems...
Oh wait.. the movie.. himesh redeems himself somewhat by making a joke on himself...
And the oil industry must've made a fortune on the movie... looking at the copious amounts by which himesh plasters down his mane...
Its been 20 minutes since the movie started.. and it seems the movies message is... look at me.. i m the himesh reshammiya.. coolly known as HR... i m having multimillion rupee contracts... still the money hasnt gone to my head... i can very easily take the gun out of an armed german police official to save a (insert age make comment abt vast age difference)girl.. who promptly falls in love with him(bells start ringing and Gayatri mantra starts at this point.. with a very emotional HR)... and Mallika Sherawat doing what she does best... namely "You can call me at any time of the day... OR NIGHT" All the time his sidekick Shravan trying to make jokes...
God!!! yet another song now... lagi lagi... right.. be back after a trip to bathroom... mallika doing her bit for the cosmetics industries... looking at the amount she has put up... and her hair reminding me of Monica of Friends fame... when they went for a holiday in bahamas...
And i get to know that himesh is just 28 yrs old!!!(insert your own joke abt time travel and eternal youth here)
have to resist my laughter everytime they address him as HR...
We are treated to a rendering of himesh songs everytime he gets to meet hansika..
Dont get me wrong... Himesh.. sorry HR is a brilliant actor... What talent... With EVERY dialogue he gets emotional... Misty eyes.. and doing the "swallowing that lump in your throat" act at the rate of 5 per minute.. It takes talent to do that.. And lot of water i guess...
Oh.. and we have German ladies interrupting his date.. for his photo... What fame this man has...
Great yet another song... Its getting funny now... Himesh's misty eyes and hansika's giggling... we are being shown such clips for the umpteenth time now...
And... the same old story... indecent proposals... butterflies in stomach before saying i love you.. and heroines dad not agreeing to the match...
story in flashback btw
Yet another song... Someone actually singing from his throat.. my hopes are up... but no.. wait.. himesh makes a dramatic entry in the song... to India where her dad had taken her for a cousins wedding..
Cut to the scene for confrontation with her dad... he asking him "In aankhon mein riya ke siva kuch dikhayi deta hai kya?"... No himesh... we cant see anything coz your eyes are eternally hidden either by your cap or those tears which are always on tenterhooks... perplexed by the famous Shakespearean.. "To fall or not to fall, that is the question"...
Hurrah... Himesh's tears and cliched dialogue delivery save the day... and Dad agrees..
We are reminded for the twentytwo thousand, three hundred and thirty seventh time that himesh doesnt drink...and he goes on a binge!!! and he does an imitation of Mithun!!!
But wait.. only an hour and 15 minutes have passed.. so the movie cant end can it? So who would have ever guessed that himesh will get involved in a controversy and and Dad plans to marry the heroine off to her "inspite of knowing everything is ready to marry her" childhood friend.. What brilliant original story line..
And.... yet another song... damn the bottles finished... will go get another... the chemist having a field day today...
The film is littered with examples of himesh's nobility,acts of kindness....sniff.. someone hand me my hanky...
Very conveniently excop feroz (raj babbar) comes to vent his pentup rage on HR.. and very conveniently the gun drops down... and surprise of surprises... HR snatches it up... and walks calmly out of the jail holding raj as hostage... And from this we can judge that german snipers arent of good quality... perhaps one of the reasons why they lost the second world war... A history lesson learnt here...
And we get lessons in politeness and courtesy by Mr. Raj Babbar here... Himesh fiddling in the glove compartment and busy in unfolding the map.. so obviously he cant control the gun... But our gentleman Mr. Raj Babbar has the good conduct to continue driving the get away car... And he is an ex cop.. Supposedly...
But its not a fair world... His good behaviour goes unnoticed and is killed by a hired sniper... leaving our beloved HR in more of a mess... but before dying he gives an important piece of information.. that the murder weapon which is a gun is still not found.. and wonder of wonders.. i was the under the impression that the murdered girl was violated and strangled... wonder why the marks on the neck were shown so vividly again and again...
But yes... the hired sniper has the courtesy to keep identifying documents, cards and cell phone with him..
Oh wait.. did i forget to mention... he got no tails on him... just because he is a high profile singer of international fame.. who breaks out of jail with a hostage who is an excop by the way why would the normally efficient german police put a tail on him? No way.. We can handle international scandals easily...
So he uses the cellphone.. calls his best buddy and they all have a joyous reunion... but no... his lady love is being betrothed to someone else(see above).. so what does our hero do...? He brings back his lady love to her dad... who is adamant about not allowing her daughter to marry a murderer.. But hurrah for cliched dialoguesa and the misty eyes... Daddy melts but says 'samaj ke liye mein apna faisla badal nahi sakta.. duniya kya kahegi etc..'
So our hero out to prove his innocence...
And we find out that the gun is in Khurana's safe... Why bother disposing off the murder weapon with your fingerprints on it when you can safely store it for someone else to find out in your safe? Sensible guy..
So they have the keys of the safe.. but not the combination now... But wait... Himeshs keen sense of music saves them now.. In the beginning of the movie Khurana is seen to open his safe in presence of Himesh.. and by the tone of the keys he is able to guess the combination!!! This guy should be in RAW...
They get the gun now... but wait... the bad guy has the heroine now... A meeting is set up for the exchange... The baddie Khurana asking for the gun which our hero Himesh promptly throws into the river... Who would ever imagine the gun that he threw could be a fake one.. not our baddie certainly... The girl goes free...
Happy reunion now... m waiting for a song now... where is it... oh.. here it comes...
no wait... The German police aint so inefficient after all... Breaking up the embracing couple.. himess is sent back in a police car... Its getting exciting now... From out of the blue three autorickshaws appear!!! In Germany!!! One does a 'veeli' and lands on the police car... and how does the police respond?? Yep you guessed i... By haggling with the rickshawallahs.. Himesh looking with his misty eyes all the time... Finally sense dawns and he escapes using a police car... exciting chase sequence... his car doesnt have a single scratch inspite of bumping so many times.. and yes... what a scene... his car is doing backflips now.. one... two.. three... four... gosh.. this car should be entered in Beijing olympics... will get a gold after all these years for sure... Ah.. finally it stops... But where is our hero...? Oh there he is... crawling out from under the car.. which is in quite good condition still.. Any broken arms or legs..? No.. a scratch under the eye is the most he escapes with... The sequence is interspersed with clippings of his gal getting ready for the marriage...
But under the influence of a gun to his face.. the baddie reveals all thinking no one will hear him.. But our enterprising hero HR has recorded the entire thing... He apparently knew that he'd be confronting the baddie and had been carrying a recorder with him all the time..
And by a miracle... probably some German secret technology... the confession is shown on a screen behind them... And hear hear for Daddy greatest... who at the time of doing 'feres' announces "Yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti.. Riya kisi aur ki amaanat hai"...
A rare scene of himesh without his cap.. at the murderered girls tomb...
And for the fitting finale.. how else... with a himesss song...!! Help...
P.S.
For those who didnt get the story from above (about 99.985% of you)
CAST
Famous singer(hero), Evil businessman, Seducing lawyer, Cute event manager(heroine), A wisecracking sidekick, Heroine ke daddy dearest, Murdered victim, Murdered victims dad...
THE STORY...
Girl dies, father cries, hero in jail,flashback,hero singer, in Germany for a promotional tour, sidekick jokes, Meets business man and his lawyer, sidekick jokes, lawyer's unsuccessful attempts at seduction, sidekick jokes, Hero saves girl, sidekick jokes, fall in love, sidekick jokes, dad disagrees,dad agrees, drinking binge,sidekick jokes, murder, hero in jail, dead girls father... is taken hostage by hero, both escape, father dies, reunion, sidekick doesnt joke, dad disagrees, dad agrees but someone called 'samaj' comes in between, marriage continues with "bachpan ka dost", hero arrested, taken in car, antics by superrickshawmen, antics by hero's car, confrontation,german technology, villain confesses,dad agrees,END
All correspondence to be addressed to
The Himesh Reshammiya Institute for Rehabilation of People Mentally Harassed by Certain Music Directors Who Have Somehow Gotten an Idea That They Look Good Romancing Someone Half Their Age and Being Called as HR is cool...
C/o
Association of People Afflicted by Recurring Nightmares of A Guy in a Cap Singing With Nasal Overtures in a Closed Lift
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